


Unavoidable Confrontation

by Vexicle



Category: Original Work
Genre: Drama, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 11:21:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16407533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vexicle/pseuds/Vexicle





	Unavoidable Confrontation

Aster fidgets, playing with the sleeves that go up to the middle of his upper arm. It’s strange. Aster has never felt this restless, this terrified in his life. Maybe the rare exception during the period of his life when he was scrounging up scraps from garbage on the street, making his way to the homeless shelter without any guide, constantly afraid of what he’d encounter at night, on the move, no, on the run from his mother just in case she catch up to him.

Aster absentmindedly paces around his living room, stopping just long enough to stare out the window. He closes his eyes, remembering the long, long period of uncomfortable nights and horrid food unlike anything else he had ever had to suffer before. And now, of course, his old friends are probably coming to yell at him about his terrible, terrible decisions. So there’s _that_ minor inconvenience.

Aster shifts. Was everything worth it in the end? He hadn’t seen his friends in so long. It had been foolish of him to hope that they had forgotten. A lie that was now… what, decades old? _I’ll be fine,_ he had said. 

Of course it wouldn’t have been that easy. How could he have thought otherwise?

Aster was always prepared, always with a cunning plan up his sleeve, his ability to analyse every situation going unmatched… or so he had thought. Even now, he has no idea why he had thought running away would be that easy. He had in no way been ready for what real life had to offer. If his life had been bad before… Aster shakes his head to clear it as he detects the faint sound of the elevator moving. 

_...Kyler? Leigh?_ Logically, it could have been anyone. He isn’t exactly the only resident of this flat, but Aster finds himself on edge with the trepidation of it all. The thought that maybe, just this next second, he’ll have to confront his old classmates. This is dread, isn't it? Dread for the talk he knows he has to get through, dread at the thought of his friends looking at him with anger, with disappointment, or worst of all, with pity.

Aster stalks back across his living room. It’s empty. He had made sure of that. Aster had told his son to have fun outside today, earning him a rather complicated look from Basil. _Even my own son pities me,_ he chides himself as he sits down at the small dining table, hands clasped tightly together. The heat is oppressive, and sweat sticks to his shirt, but Aster can’t seem to get up to turn the fan on for some relief. _I’d just rather wait here for certain doom,_ Aster thinks with a wry smile.

Finally, the sound of cogs and wheels or whatever turning brings to his door two pairs of nervously shuffled footsteps. Aster continues to sit there as if frozen. His mind is blank now, all caught up in the moment. Aster tenses as he waits for the doorbell to blare in his ears, signalling the start of his trial.

...after a minute, Aster silently steps forward to check what’s taking so long. 

Lowering one eye to peek through the peephole, Aster spots a familiar, yet foreign pair. The similarities seem to hit him right in the nostalgia he had firmly filed away for long, long years. Kyler, his dark skin framed by even darker hair that’s cropped short and now seems to be balding in some places. He still wears round-framed glasses that are perched on his nose. And beside him: Leigh. Leigh, with fiery orange mingling with gray and white. Both of them have evidence of wrinkles pressing on their skin. Unconsciously, Aster raises a hand to his cheek.

Right. They’ve all grown much, much older now. 

Aster was genuinely surprised when he first learned Kyler and Leigh were still together after all those years, the shock he had gotten when both had arrived on his doorstep replaced by… something squeezing his heart. He had shelved it away then, but now Aster finds his mind wandering over the thought balanced precariously over the edge of a cliff. He’s felt something. It’s like an earthquake. It had been so sudden, so fierce.

Aster watches with bleary blue eyes as Kyler finally gathers enough courage to press the doorbell. _Ding._ The sound reverberates throughout the empty apartment, leaving Aster feeling trapped in it’s presence. 

There it is, there’s that… _feeling_. His bloodstream seems to have been replaced with icy cold water. 

_Well. This is it. Might as well get it over and done with._ Aster waits a few moments more to give the illusion that he hadn’t just been watching them, waiting for them to swoop in. No, he must look unfettered. Unbothered. Like he can’t care less what they think. 

Aster thinks that there’s no real point in keeping up this pretense anymore, but it’s all he’s ever known. On the run, back when he was a child, it had always been his main tactic of defense. Besides, there is even less point pretending there was any way this would go well at all.

That redhead… _Kyler’s son_ , he thinks to himself, feeling little shock waves clutch at him. _Kyler’s son._ And his son. It’s strange, alien, to think on this date years back they had just been hanging out like any normal pair of children. Yes. In any case, Aster is certain Iggy doesn’t have the best impression of him, from how strange he acted around him. And he’d definitely have told his father, right? Aster’s shoulders slump with a heavy sigh.

 _To think that we were simply one step away from each other all this time,_ Aster thinks with a wry smile as he finally answers the door.

Now that he isn’t obscured by the barrier of a curved lens muddling their images, Aster doesn’t know what to do. The three of them just stand and stare at each other for a while, tension crackling in the air. Kyler reaches for Leigh’s hand and clutches it like a lifeline. Wordlessly, Aster turns around and enters the living room. He knows when his old friends have taken his cue when he hears footsteps and a lock turning.

Inside isn’t any better. This time it’s Aster sitting on the couch while Kyler and Leigh continue to stare at him and then each other and then him again. 

Aster forces himself to angle his head up. With a smooth, perfected smile, he asks, “Would you like some tea?”

Aster doesn’t flinch when Kyler’s hand comes down _hard_ on the plastic table. Nor does he blink when Kyler hisses, “ _Cut the bullshit_.” He does, however, feel a pang of… of _something_ cross his heart upon seeing the pitiable look Kyler has on his face. He takes several deep breaths, but Kyler… looks like he’s about to cry.

Aster looks up with an expressionless face, before he fastens his eyes on the ground. “What’s wrong, Kyler?” he asks quietly.

“What’s _wrong_?” Aster can see fists ball at Kyler’s sides at the top of his peripheral vision. “I haven’t - we haven’t seen you in _decades_ , and… and then the first thing we hear about you is from our son, and he knows someone with a dad that neglects him… and it’s _you_.” Kyler’s voice shakes, and he looks very unsteady indeed on his two feet.

 _So he did tell him, then,_ is Aster’s first thought. _Of course he’s angry,_ is his second. _I am at myself, as well._ As if it’s a small, meek way of making amends, Aster simply offers, “Do you want to sit down?”

“I don’t want to _sit_.” There’s a huge sniff, and that gets Aster’s head raising in alarm. “I want to know just how the hell you turned out just like _her_.”

There’s ice again. “I’m not like her,” he says quietly with little conviction. 

“Well, why don’t you take a look around you? You’re not the victim anymore, Aspen!” Kyler swings his arms around agitatedly. “You should know better than to ruin that kid’s life after she ruined yours! What are you even doing? Why? Why have a child you won’t treat any better than she did you?”

Aster then spies Kyler rubbing his face forcefully with his arm, shielding it in the process. He’s crying. He’s definitely crying. If there’s one thing Aster never could stand, it was anyone making the always cheerful, always dark-haired boy shed his tears. There’s something welling in the pit of his chest. Leigh’s hands are on his shoulder, looking between Kyler and Aster in obvious despair. 

“It’s Aster,” he says, looking down, hands clasped tightly together.

Though he won’t let it show, Kyler is completely, utterly right. He doesn’t need his old friend to tell him this, of course. He’s already heard this from his very own son. His teachers. Even the mutterings of Basil’s peers behind his back.

What has he done?

Aster realises then that he’s on eye level with them, and that means that he has stood up without meaning to. That’s… new. Aster is… surprised, among everything else that’s suddenly unearthing. He can’t put a name to anything in the storm he’s currently weathering all by himself.

Chest heaving after his previous outburst, Kyler lowers his arm to allow Aster to catch a glimpse of the red rims behind his glasses. “Aster,” he repeats. There’s something about the way Kyler says it that gives Aster the distinct impression that he can’t reconcile this new person, this Aster in his mind with the Aspen he grew up with as a child. _Aspen would have never done this,_ says the thinly veiled desperation in Kyler’s dark eyes. _I don’t believe it._

In response, Aster gives Kyler a bitter smile. _I know. I just know._

The sight of it seems to deflate Kyler a little. He slumps over, still taking sharp gasps of breath. “Didn’t you say… that you were never going to...?” Kyler’s words are garbled among his sniffs and shakes of his shoulders. He hides his eyes behind the curls of his fingers. “You ended up the same way. Just… just why? You said that. To me. Once, when we were still at school.” 

Kyler sounds almost childish, petulant in the manner he phrases his questions to which Aster has no answer. 

“I apologize for that,” he finally says after long, long moments that seem to stretch out for eternity.

“You don’t _get_ to say sorry after running off like that!” Kyler snarls, fury blazing in his eyes so intense that even Aster takes a step back, hands raised. 

Leigh still doesn’t say anything, but the look in her innocent blue eyes tells Aster the depths of her disappointment. She restrains Kyler by his shoulders, throwing the brunet a pleading glance. He knows what she’s saying. She’s always been remarkably easy to read, wearing her heart on her sleeve. _Please, please talk,_ she begs of him. _We want to know._

Warily, Aster looks back at the two. Still trying to apply his methodology, Aster asks in an even tone, “What would you like me to disclose?”

Kyler sighs. Takes another deep breath. Steps forward. “Why don’t you start by telling us why you ran away without. Telling. _Anyone._ ” Each word is punctuated by a jab into Aster’s chest. “Do you know how fucking worried we were?” Kyler snaps, and now that he’s close Aster can see the wrinkles, the way his eyebrows angle downwards and how his dark face is contorted in rage. 

Aster can’t bring himself to look anymore.

“I texted you, I called you, I went looking for you for _months_!” Kyler sounds close to screaming, but at the last second his voice breaks. “I thought you were dead, Aspen! Where did you go? Why didn’t you say anything? Why did you just...” He sniffs again. “...leave… Aster?”

This is something new. Aster’s eyes are wide. He never imagined that this would happen. No. In all of his plans, it had seemed so simple, so straightforward. Erase himself from their lives. Run away from his mother. Somewhere where he could live his life as himself again. Somewhere where wouldn’t trouble them with his failure.

Aster had not counted on anyone actually _caring_ that he was gone.

“You looked for me,” Aster repeats slowly. “You looked for me,” Aster says quieter. No matter how many times he says it, he can’t erase the truth. He had made them all worry with his hasty departure. Now that it sinks in, he can picture a young teen, scrambling over all the roads and places of interest he used to love, finding absolutely nothing but crushing disappointment… Aster closes his eyes. This is too much. “You looked for me,” Aster mumbles.

“I did.”

There’s something crushing, something heavy weighing on his chest. Was this what normal people called… guilt? Aster isn’t sure he can take this feeling. This pain is threatening to split him apart. He wants to go back, but also maybe not. These were emotions, right? The feelings he had felt tugging and stirring faintly, all this time.

He feels... sour. Like something’s pricking at his nose, his eyes, his heart. “I’m sorry,” is the mutter. Something falls. Aster himself is sniffing, like his nose is runny, but that can’t be, can it? He’s not sick. Stubbornly, Aster rubs a hand across his eyes, only to confirm the inevitable.

 _Damn it._ Aster grits his teeth, screwing his eyes shut. _Damn it. No. Fuck off. Fucking hell._

“...I’ve never seen you cry before,” comes Kyler’s reply, sounding softer then he has in a while. For a second, Aster feels the sting let up. His voice, though deeper with age, carries with it the traces of the memories they shared together in school. Then something spills out even through eyes clenched shut and Aster finds that he can’t make himself stop.

“I’m sorry. So, so sorry...”

Aster’s never felt like this before. He’s maybe, just maybe, felt a little sting here and there even during his younger days. Living with his mother, being abandoned to live alone, coping with the knowledge of never seeing Kyler again, but it’s the first time he’s ended up like this, doing the exact same thing he’s derided countless others for. Then again, Basil hates him, and with good reason, so Aster figures he might as well go ahead and sob his heart out.

“I didn’t think you’d... come looking for me,” Aster manages to get out. “I didn’t think you’d care. I thought you were busy thinking about college. I just… I just don’t know. I was… I really didn’t know what the hell I was thinking.” He shakes his head roughly, reminded of the time where his dark hair was bunched into a long, long ponytail, the first thing he had gotten rid of once he fled.

When Aster opens his eyes, he finds that everything around him is blurry and he can’t see. He growls and wipes his tears on his sleeve ferociously. When the world comes back into focus, the first thing he notices are his old friends standing there, looking at him with sympathy. Sympathy, which he’s come to realise, definitely doesn’t always equate pity. Kyler and Leigh aren’t comforting him, aren’t telling him that it’s alright to cry or any of that suffocating stuff Aster can’t stand. They’re just standing there. Giving him space. _There’s sympathy and then there’s pity,_ Aster thinks inanely. Something which his younger self really could have stood to learn.

“Go on,” Leigh prods once she notices that the dam gates have closed once again. _You owe us both a proper explanation,_ says her even tone, and despite everything that’s happened in this living room, Aster is grateful for it. It may be stupid, maybe, but it’s what he needs. Not to be treated like a child. He’s an adult, and he needs to deal with the consequences like a damn adult, and he damn well _will_.

“I was too proud,” he says, letting the remainder short, sharp breaths fade into something easier. _Compose yourself, you damn moron. Look at you. Fucking crying like a kindergartener on day one._ “I was just really fucking stupid.”

“In what way?”

“For fuck’s sake, give me time to put this in a way you can understand, because honestly,” Aster shakes his head, “I don’t think I can either.”

“Okay.” Leigh crosses her arms. “We’re waiting.”

Aster looks at their no-nonsense, expectant gazes and takes a deep breath to steady himself. “I…” is as far as he gets before something makes him turn away. “I failed, remember? And you two didn’t. And Kyler was flying off to college, and…” Is that a… flush? “...I just… didn’t want his family to look down on me. ‘Oh, look at him. It’s Aspen, the guy who couldn’t pass his last year.’”

“Aspen -”

“Aster,” he snaps. Kyler takes a step back. “And reason number two, I just… I don’t know, I just thought everything would be fine!” Now, he rolls his eyes at himself. Stupid. Fucking stupid. “Stupid, fucking naive idiot. That was me. I run away just thinking all my problems will somehow all fucking disappear.”

Kyler tries again. “Aster -”

“Reason number fucking three, I just wanted to be myself!” Gesturing at his flat chest, Aster adds bitterly, “No idea how the fuck I thought I was gonna do it without a job, though. Apparently money grows on trees.”

Kyler and Leigh look at each other, probably caught off guard by the juxtaposition of an angry Aster wiping the residue tears away from the corner of his eyes. “We could have helped you,” Leigh says quietly. 

“If I had only let you,” Aster finishes with a smile so insincere it could make a fox turn tail and run. “You’re right. Absolutely correct. I shouldn’t have thought it’d be that easy. If it wasn’t for the shelter and the food bank, I think I really would have died. From hunger, from sickness, hell, from being run over by a damn car.”

Third time isn’t quite the charm, for Aster interrupts Kyler again with a glare. “You know what? And you’re fucking right about my son, Kyler. You’re right. I’m unfit to be a parent. I don’t know the first thing about raising a fucking kid.” Aster gestures furiously at the kitchen. Even he doesn’t know why. Maybe the kitchen holds the key to some parenting secret he has obviously never unlocked and at this point never will, considering Basil is fifteen years old and not getting any younger. Aster has had his chance. He’s blown it. 

All he has are vague pictures to remember Basil as a child. It’s gone. He hasn’t done shit but ignore Basil for years and years. It’s horrible. Of course he’s just like her. There’s no denying it. “I shouldn’t have taken up a responsibility I couldn’t deliver on,” Aster says, still turning and pointing at random. Probably this time it’s to show how run down his apartment looks. How cheap and manufactured his living conditions are. Decorations? Personifying his space? What’s that? The only extra bits of furniture there are reside in his son’s room, another indicator of his misplaced concern.

“And you know? You know?!” Aster’s way too agitated. He should calm down. But right now all these new feelings are swelling inside of him and he feels like everything’s going to burst and come tumbling down. Aster doesn’t know how to deal with these emotions. He hasn’t felt for so long, and suddenly, he is. He can’t control it. He can’t control anything. He’s all but tossed his calm of more than thirty years out the window.

“I never wanted it to be like this! Not this way!” Aster grabs Kyler by the shoulders and shakes him harshly. Kyler lets him, stone-faced and lips stretched in a thin line. “I was stupid,” he repeats like a broken record. “Stupid. My son should have had a better life. Could have, away from me. What could I give him? Love?” Mirthless laughter spills out of his mouth. “When I don’t know the slightest thing about parenting? When my own mother was just the _best_ role model? When my father was _missing_ my whole life?”

Leigh blinks owlishly. The topic on parenthood seems to have roused her interest more deeply. _Of course, as a parent should,_ Aster reprimands himself. Where was that concern when Basil had needed him? He had never shown up, had never deemed him important enough.

“I gave him food. Water. Shelter. Education.” Aster feels like he’s about to descend into hysterics if he doesn’t stop. “I just didn’t understand that he needed love. Of course. The most vital part, and it somehow _slipped my mind._ Absolutely incredible. I always thought humans were predictable. I treated them like robots. The thing is, you know I like being left alone. So I did the same, stupidly thinking that if was what I wanted, it was what he wanted as well. I thought that if he needed something, he’d tell me. Of _course_ he wouldn’t have trusted me enough. Humans aren’t robots.” Aster shakes his head again. He’s probably doing that a lot. He should stop that. Nothing could express the utter disgust he feels at his failures anyway.

“That should be common sense,” Leigh says sternly. Aster eyes her, breathing harshly. Even if he wanted pity, there’s none here. There’s a trace of ice in Leigh’s blue gaze. Her jaw is set rigidly, her eyes narrowed. “I’m afraid to say so, but if you couldn’t do something so simple, you shouldn’t have had a child.”

“It seems so logical when you put it that way.” The blow stings. Aster fights it off with another deep breath. “What a pity that I didn’t realise that fifteen years ago.” With a freezing smile, he says, “Did he tell you? He knows. Drunk and with no method of birth control on me. How irresponsible.” Aster’s gaze drops to the floor. “How selfish.”

Kyler, by this point, has both hands clasped over his mouth, tears threatening to spill out of his dark, vulnerable-looking eyes. Leigh isn’t much better herself. She just looks horrified. Horrified and probably eternally angry and disgusted at what _Aspen_ has become. Aster doesn’t blame them, and doesn’t think he can. His sins confessed and having aroused the righteous anger of his old friends, Aster sums it up in a trembling voice, “I’ve made so many mistakes.”

The trio stand together in silence for several long moments, ice-blue and brown locked onto navy. Something prickles down Aster’s back. Is it the companion to guilt? After fishing around in his reading-other-people dictionary, Aster concludes the feeling creeping up on him is shame. Shame that makes his pale neck flush red-hot. Shame that makes him stare at the casual slippers he has on his feet, gray and dusty.

Finally, Kyler breaks the silence. “Do you regret running away?”

“I don't regret escaping from her.” Aster raises his head to look his friends in the eye, the way he’s trained himself to do for years. “I regret thinking everything would be that easy. I regret making my son suffer. I regret making you worry. I really… didn't expect it would turn out this way. And for that I really, sincerely, apologise.” A ripple of discomfort. “I don't blame you if you don't accept.”

Kyler holds Aster’s gaze steadily before he turns to the tall redhead standing beside him. “What do you think?” he asks softly.

Leigh looks back at him, uncertain, her gaze darting to Aster a few times in between. “I don't know,” she admits, and then to Aster: “Have you tried to make amends with your son?” Then she hesitates. “What’s his name?”

Aster smiles, the first genuine one he’s given them in years. “He’s Basil. Collins, just in case you didn't know I changed my last name as well. I’ve learned how to cook, and I’m trying to spend more time with him. I think he agrees with that course of action.”

Kyler nods, though his gaze is still wary. “That’s expected. Of course you would want to distance yourself from your mother.”

“...did you say Basil?”

Aster blinks at Leigh. “Yes.”

With an uneasy smile, Leigh side-eyes Kyler and says, “...isn't that our son’s boyfriend?”

“Hey. Hey, wait, _what_?”

Leigh just stares at Kyler, at a loss for what to do. Kyler stares back. Aster, for his part, is more surprised that they stormed into his apartment not knowing this crucial bit of information. However, now that they’ve been made privy to this little fact, what will they do? Will they forcefully tear Iggy away from his son?

That isn't fair. _Let me be judged for my own actions,_ Aster decides. Basil is blame-free. Aster can't let his poor decisions ruin his son’s life once again. It’s with this in mind that Aster pleads, “Leave them alone. They’ve done nothing wrong. Cut off contact with me if you want to, but let them be.”

Kyler and Leigh just stare at him, making him uncomfortable all over again. Maybe his plea has fallen on deaf ears.

“If your apology is genuine,” Kyler says slowly, “then I can see the change. Look, Aspen - Aster, you’ve made mistakes, but as old friends…” Nervously casting a glance at his wife, Kyler finishes, “...then I would like to forgive you.”

There’s a tangy, spring-ish sensation in his chest that makes Aster want to do outlandishly freakish things like jump up and down. The brunet forces himself to remain rooted to the spot, and with practiced ease schools his features into a neutral expression as he looks over to their ex-upperclassman for confirmation.

“...Iggy didn't seem so sure about you, but I remember his... friend thinking that you weren't as bad as he probably thought,” Leigh recites. After a few moments more, Leigh brushes her hair over her shoulder. The familiar action serves to put Aster’s mind more at ease. “You know, throughout everything you kept… insulting yourself. And the one thing you always were was honest with us. I mean, I honestly still don't get why you chose to share anything with me, but I suppose I’ll thank you for it.” Leigh stops to fidget with a strand of graying red hair. “I guess I’m saying, I feel like you’ve learned. Besides, it’s been so long. I feel like you’ve managed to reflect on yourself a lot, and that’s a good thing.”

Aster pauses. His throat is dry. Gulping down saliva that has pooled in his mouth, Aster asks, “I am forgiven?”

“I mean… I don’t know yet,” Kyler admits. “All the grief you’ve caused me is still really fresh in my mind, you know. But since you’re here now, I’d just, maybe, like to forget this. Get this over with.”

“I’m the one who has to, not you.”

“...you’ve got that right,” Kyler says with an upward quirk of his lips. 

“I understand.” Aster bows slightly to them. “In any case, I apologize, but I’m expecting Basil back at seven. I’m guessing you’d like to go now to avoid him.”

“Yes. Oh, of course.” Kyler startles as he checks his phone. “Senpai, let’s go.”

 _Senpai, huh?_ There’s a sense of familiarity washing over Aster. Even after all those years, he wonders if Kyler is still like a child in that aspect, holding on to that optimism and naivete from before. His step considerably lighter and yet no less silent, the brunet leads his old friends to the door, holding it open as they depart.

“What’s your number?” Kyler suddenly asks, sticking his head back into the doorway, holding his phone out. Guilt gnaws at Aster again as he remembers he changed it just so he’d be more able to cut Kyler out from his life. Aster takes Kyler’s phone from him and inputs his new number, stubbornly refusing to look Kyler in the face.

Kyler gets his phone back soon. “Alright. Thank you,” he says, giving Aster one last look before Leigh is calling for him from the lift. With a slight grin, Kyler gives Aster a wave before both of them are swallowed up by silver doors.

Aster just stares, leaning against his apartment door for strength. He watches the LED number change from 12, then to 11, then to 10 and so on. It’s stupid. So has everything else that has happened today. But maybe it’s for his own good that he had it. Something positive had come out of it, after all. Aster feels considerably lighter somehow. All these years, he’s been alone, no friends or family to speak of. To finally uncap the bottle of memories he’s kept over the years… is refreshing in a way Aster can't explain.

 _Refreshing._ Barking out a short, sharp laugh, Aster closes his eyes for just a moment. _How ridiculous. Dear Aster, you’re becoming a sap._ Basil’s coming home soon, and that means that everything must be as normal as possible for him to not suspect anything. Aster drags himself to action, locking the door and tossing the key onto the round dining table like always.


End file.
